Welcome!

jenoval1
Welcome.

My name is Jen and I am so happy that you are here. I write because it helps me to cope and I share with others because I believe we are all the same on some level. We all love and hate, laugh and cry, feel like an outcast and wish things could be a bit easier. Please feel free to join in and comment on anything I left here for you to read.

Thank you for allowing me to be part of your journey and I am even happier that you are a part of mine. ♥

~Namaste~

Recent Posts

brick wall

This is one of the first prose poems that I ever wrote. Funny how it seems to be a theme in my writing, even back then… growth and loving yourself enough.  ♥

Her heart is blockedA sturdy brick wall has been builtIn the center of her soulIt surrounds her heart ... to keep it safeNo one gets to knock it downNo one gets in ... no one

Sad
Depressed
Unsure

Her mind wanders
Waiting for answers

The ones that never seem to come
The ones that she chooses not to hear
The thoughts inside her head that she will not let out

Her heart is blocked

A sturdy brick wall has been built
In the center of her soul
It surrounds her heart … to keep it safe

No one gets to knock it down
No one gets in … no one

Being strong
Standing tall
It’s all part of the game that she plays

She is strong
Steady
Solid
Like a brick wall

Just like the one she has built to house her tender heart

She has so much to be thankful for
So much to be happy with
Yet happiness seems to elude her

Right there
Within her reach
But yet too far away to grab a hold of

Always looking for joy everywhere
Except inside

Her foundation not wavering

It has held up through all the bullshit of this year
All of the
“I am ok”, “I am fine”, “it’s all good”
“No worries”

Her foundation needs to come down
To be cracked open
So that she can see her light

She knows this now
Yet she does not want to let go

The pain is going be overwhelming
She knows the sobs will rack her body
The breath will not come
The tears will leave their mark on her cheeks
She does not want to let go

Because this is her familiar
Where she is comfortable

Yet the change must come

She must grow
She must let go of things that no longer serve her

She knows there will be relief
She knows there will be happiness
She knows there will be joy and comfort

Once she lets all this bullshit go
Once she faces herself
Once she knocks down the brick wall to her heart

She will be able to see
She will be able to understand
She will be able… ♥♥♥

©Jen Helvie – 2013

Suitcases

This is for those of us who believe if we suffer for our loved ones, their suffering will be less.  Please know … it isn’t so. There is no need for you to suffer to show compassion and love…♥

I carry everyone's pain with meLike little suitcases Each oneLabeled with the name of the person whom it belongs toI pick them up and lug them around with me wherever I go

Anguish pours from my soul today
It flows through me
Like a raging river
Each one of my emotions
Getting hung up on the rocks
Pounding me incessantly

I can’t seem to stop it today
Dark thoughts gnaw at me
My heart is raw and bleeding
I can no longer take the pain                               So I break…

The tears start
They pour from me uncontrollably
My breath comes in short gasps
My body shakes
I don’t want to cry
I hate crying
I hate feeling this way
But
I can’t stop

God please make it stop
I promise
I get it
I can feel it
But I can’t take it anymore

How do I get past this
How am I supposed to live my life
With all of this pain weighing me down
How do I get out of my head and
Just live

It all seems so damn easy
Just let it go
And then move on
I know
I have said to you all a million times
But today I can’t seem to release myself

I carry everyone’s pain with me
Like little suitcases
Each one
Labeled with the name of the person whom it belongs
I pick them up and lug them around with me wherever I go

The tears finally stop
I try to calm myself
I close my eyes
And take a deep breath

I picture myself picking up each one of those suitcases of pain
And ever so gingerly
I place it on a shelf
I do this over and over again
One suitcase at a time
Until they are all stacked up neat and tidy

I pause for a moment
Looking at all the bullshit I was carrying with me
It was heavy
It was painful
It was a burden

I am unable to carry this pain around anymore
God please help me
Help me NOT pick them back up again

They weren’t mine and I wasn’t helping
I know this now and all I want
Is to be able to breathe
Without the weight of everyone’s pain

I turn to walk away
I notice that I feel lighter
I smile a little smile
So instead of walking
I turn and I run… ♥♥♥

©Jen Helvie – ’16